An Update on the Monkey’s Paw Re-emergence

Those of you who read my blog on a regular basis (all four of you (it used to be five, but my dad died)) know two things: (1) Don’t mess with Ender Wiggin! (2) Don’t mess with the monkey’s paw!

This is what happens to those who mess with Ender Wiggin.

ELAcommoncorelessonplans.com was the only media source to link the goings-on in the world of college football to the Monkey’s Paw. A detailed account of what transpired during the game in question can be found at the previous link.

For those of you who don’t feel like getting sucked down the internet lesson plan black hole, let me refresh your memory:

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In case you don’t know, this is the Michigan punter who completely screwed up the Michigan-Michigan St. game. If you look closely, it appears as though the punter’s hand, the one that attempted to fling the ball instead of just jumping on it, is, in fact, a monkey’s paw.

It was initially reported that the monkey’s paw had been spotted in the area and that the Michigan punter had used the monkey’s paw to wish to be involved in a memorable play.

Further evidence, however, has come to the surface.

But before I report that, I need to report this.

I am a Buckeye. I was born and raised in the Buckeye State. I have been a fan of Ohio State football since I was old enough to watch football–around three hours old. After this play occurred, my brother and I and my entire family had a good chuckle at the expense of the fans of our hated rival, even calling one and leaving a snarky message as we laughed hysterically.

In other words, we acted like complete a-holes.

With the monkey’s paw, things are not always as they seem.

Buckeye Fans

Evidence has surfaced that the monkey’s paw was possessed by an Ohio State fan days before Michigan’s botched punt play and humiliating loss against Michigan State.

Unfortunately, the aforementioned benefactors of the Michigan punter’s bungle, Michigan State, beat–with enormous amounts of luck–the juggernaut that is Ohio State. Furthermore, the two teams tied as the winners of the Big 10 East Division. Having won the head-to-head meeting, Michigan State won the tiebreaker and went on to represent the Big 10 in the College Football Playoff.

If not for Michigan State’s lucky win against Michigan, it would have been Ohio State representing the Big 10 in the college football playoff and defending their national championship.

That brings about a new theory on the monkey’s paw.

It wasn’t, in fact, the Michigan punter who used the monkey’s paw. It was an Ohio State fan, an Ohio State fan who wished for the garbage dump football team up north to suffer a humiliating, embarrassing loss because he never learned that you don’t mess with the monkey’s paw!

Foolish when you consider Michigan suffers a humiliating, embarrassing loss to Ohio State every year.

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